Too funny!

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once
again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition.

This year's {2005} winners are:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one
got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth
explodes and it's a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through
the day consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after
finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.

And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how
much weight one has gained.
3 abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a
flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door
when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9 flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up
someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his
conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after
death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets
stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer
shorts worn by Jewish men.